At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
