I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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