She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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