you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
