i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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