Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
