theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This house was built for laser tag.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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