Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
