hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
