why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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