Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
