dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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