I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
