Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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