I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
