First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
