please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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