i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
