i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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