look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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