PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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