is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
