She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
