nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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