White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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