Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Found the puke drawer
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
