i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
