Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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