im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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