his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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