my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
