It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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