whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
