I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
