Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
