turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
