He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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