Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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