so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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