I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
