Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
