he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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