You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
