i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
