Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
