First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
