Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
