I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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