I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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