When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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