I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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