I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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