my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
