I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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