dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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