Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
