remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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