omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
